i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
