He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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