9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
