I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
