i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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