I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Houston, we have a squirter
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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