nut hugger
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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