Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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