You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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