Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
