Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Bring me that man meat
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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