I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize