you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
