mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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