the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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