Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
