just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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