Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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