so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
