A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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