Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
