I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
