Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
