I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
