I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
