the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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