I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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