I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hippo gnu deer
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
