This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
