Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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