so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
