So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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