i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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