I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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