coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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