Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
