I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
