I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
