shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize