Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
