I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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