Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
