Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
