for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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