You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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