now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
