My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Two words: blizzard sex
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
