I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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