Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Randomize
