Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize