The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
