just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
