No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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