Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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