Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
