3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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