I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
