She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
