DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
