somebody snuck up and got me drunk
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
