dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize