shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
