he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
