my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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