Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
