If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
