dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
