Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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