if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
