I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
