ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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