i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
