remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I understand Curling. That high.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This is my gift to your gina
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
