Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
