i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
