am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
