Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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