I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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