you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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