if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
