Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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