I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
